Facesitting: how to get started
Facesitting is on a lot of people's list, but the first attempt often feels awkward. It doesn't have to. With a stop signal and the right position, getting started is more relaxed than you might expect. Here you'll read how it works, what matters when it comes to breathing, and why the worry about being too heavy is usually unfounded.
What is facesitting?
In facesitting, one person sits or kneels over the face of another. Queening is the same thing, just an older word for it. Usually it involves oral sex. But it can also be a pure power play, clothed and without direct contact. Both count as facesitting, and both are more common than the few honest conversations about it would suggest.
The roles are clearly split. The person underneath lies on their back with their hands free. The person on top controls pressure and pace. That control is exactly what makes it appealing for many, with or without a power dynamic. If scenarios built on a deliberate power imbalance interest you, read the article on the meaning of CFNM as well. A short definition of facesitting is in the glossary.
The most important tips for getting started
Six points are enough to begin with:
- Talk about it beforehand. Agree on what should happen and what is off limits.
- Agree on a stop signal. Two taps on the leg is the standard.
- Start kneeling, not sitting. That keeps your weight on your own legs.
- Increase the pressure slowly. Lowering yourself is always possible, the other way round is harder.
- Take breaks. Lifting up briefly is enough for a breath.
- Check in afterwards. Two sentences will do: what worked, what do you drop next time?
Safety: breathing and signals
The most important rule: breathing comes first. Always. Whoever is underneath cannot speak with their mouth covered. That is exactly why you need a signal that works without a voice. Tapping has proven itself: two firm taps on the thigh or hip means up, now. The signal is absolute. No asking back, no just a moment longer. Whoever taps gets air immediately.
The second tool is weight control. Kneeling over the face, your weight rests on your knees and thighs, not on your partner's head. You can lift off in a fraction of a second. Sitting down fully means giving up that control. So for the first time: kneel. Sitting can come later, or not at all, depending on what the two of you like.
And the worry about being too heavy? It holds more people back than anything else, but in the kneeling position it is unfounded. The face carries hardly any weight. Two details help further: the head of the person underneath is better off on a flat surface than in a soft pillow that blocks the nose once it gets pressed in. And the person underneath rests their hands on the hips of the person on top. That way they can lift them off or give the signal at any moment.
Which positions work?
For a first try, one is enough: kneeling over the face, turned towards each other. You see your partner's face, notice every reaction, and can lift off whenever you want. That is the beginner standard, and plenty of people stay with it.
The second variant is the reversed direction, facing towards the feet. The angle is different, and some people like exactly that. The downside: you no longer see the face. So this one belongs in round two, once the tapping signal is settled and you know each other's rhythm.
For longer sessions, some support pays off. A wall or the headboard takes the strain off your thighs and adds stability. It sounds unspectacular, but it decides whether your legs are shaking after two minutes or you stay comfortable.
What does preparation involve?
Two things: agreements and hygiene. Beforehand you settle what should happen and what should not. Oral or just sitting, with dominance or without, naked or clothed. It takes less than five minutes and saves you the unpleasant kind of surprise. Afterwards a short check is enough to see whether it worked for both of you.
On hygiene there is no reason to get tense. A shower beforehand is etiquette, for both sides. There is more on that in the article on preparing for the meeting. Because facesitting involves oral contact, protection belongs in the picture too: the Swiss AIDS Federation points out that condoms alone don't cover everything, since some pathogens are also passed on through oral sex. A dental dam lowers the risk. Which protection recommendations fit you is shown by the Safer Sex Check at lovelife.ch. How this is handled for bookings on Gingr is covered in our safer sex standards.
Trying facesitting with an escort
The most common reason a first attempt goes sideways: both people are unsure and neither wants to admit it. With someone experienced, that falls away. At a meeting with an escort, talking things through beforehand is standard, the setting is defined, and the person you're with knows how weight, signals and breaks work. That takes the pressure off, especially the first time.
On Gingr you'll find escorts who offer facesitting. The service is marked directly in the profile, so you don't have to guess and don't have to explain at length. What you have in mind, you discuss before booking.
Frequently asked questions
Is facesitting dangerous?
No, as long as you agree on a stop signal and control the weight. Kneeling instead of sitting keeps the person on top in control and able to lift off at any time.
What is the difference between facesitting and queening?
None. Queening is an older name for the same practice. Both terms mean sitting or kneeling over the face.
Is facesitting part of BDSM?
It can be, but it doesn't have to be. Facesitting works as a power play just as well as a variation on oral sex with no power dynamic at all. What it should be is up to you.
How do I bring up facesitting?
Directly, and outside the situation. Something like: I'd like to try facesitting sometime, what do you think? That feels less pushy than a suggestion in the middle of sex and leaves room for an honest no.
Am I too heavy for facesitting?
In the kneeling position, no. Your weight rests on your knees and thighs, the face carries almost nothing. This worry is widespread and almost always unfounded.
In summary
- Agree on a stop signal before the first attempt, usually tapping.
- Start kneeling, so the weight stays on your own legs.
- Breathing comes first, the signal applies without discussion.
- A shower beforehand is etiquette, agreements beforehand are a must.
If you'd rather try it in a clear setting from the start: here you can experience facesitting with an experienced escort.