Anal sex positions: the best positions for beginners and experienced partners

There are plenty of lists of anal sex positions. Most of them sort by popularity. This article sorts by a different question: who controls pace and depth? For beginners, that is the more important question. You will find the definition under anal sex in the glossary.

Which anal sex position is best?

The one in which the receiving partner controls the pace. Everything else is secondary.

The reason lies in the body. The anus has two sphincter muscles. You can relax the outer one consciously. The inner one works involuntarily and, according to DocCheck Flexikon on the continence organ (in German), provides around 70 percent of the closing force. You cannot open this muscle by deciding to. It gives way when it gets time. If too much comes too fast, the body tenses up by reflex.

Whoever sets the pace feels this moment and waits. Whoever does not has to hope that the other person notices it. Sometimes that works. The first time, often not.

Depth matters as well as pace. Some positions limit it on their own because the pelvis and buttocks are in the way. Others allow everything. That is why each position below lists both: who controls the pace and what limits the depth.

For the giving partner, this mostly means: wait. Only enter when the receiving partner signals it. Barely move at the start. And do not pull all the way out with every movement. Every new entry asks the same of the sphincter as the first time.

Preparation comes before the position

No position makes up for missing preparation. The basics in brief:

• start relaxed and without time pressure
• use plenty of lube
• start with a finger or a small toy
• use a condom from the start

With anal sex, lube is not optional. The anus does not get wet on its own. The pegging article explains anal basics and preparation in detail. They apply to any form of anal sex, no matter what is used for penetration.

The positions, sorted by control

At the top of the list, control lies with the receiving partner. With each position, it moves a step further towards the giving partner.

1. Riding on top

The giving partner lies on their back. The receiving partner kneels or squats above and lowers themselves. They decide when to go further and how far. The giving partner stays still, that is their whole job here. Squatting tires the thighs quickly, kneeling lasts longer. For the first time, this is the position to start with.

Pace controlled by: the receiving partner. Depth limited by: the receiving partner.

2. Spooning

Both lie on their side, the giving partner behind. The receiving partner's pelvis and thighs limit the depth on their own. The pace does lie with the giving partner. But the receiving partner can move the pelvis forward to back off and change the angle with the upper leg. On top of that, you get lots of body contact for little effort. Good for beginners and for long, slow meetings.

Pace controlled by: the giving partner. Depth limited by: the position itself.

3. Missionary with a pillow

The receiving partner lies on their back, a pillow under the pelvis, knees drawn up. The pillow tilts the pelvis upwards. The rectum does not run straight. With the pelvis tilted, the angle gets easier. Pace and depth lie with the giving partner. In return, you can see each other. A look or a hand on the hip is enough to slow down. Suits anyone with some first experience who talks a lot during sex.

Pace controlled by: the giving partner. Depth limited by: agreement and eye contact.

4. Lying face down

The receiving partner lies flat on their stomach, often with a flat pillow under the pelvis. The giving partner lies on top. Buttocks and thighs limit the depth. At first glance, that makes the position look beginner-friendly. The problem lies elsewhere: the receiving partner can hardly move away. They are underneath and carry part of the weight. Anyone who notices the first time that things are going too fast needs a way out. Here, only words are left. That is why lying face down is a second step, not a first.

Pace controlled by: the giving partner. Depth limited by: the position itself.

5. Doggy style and standing bent over

The receiving partner kneels and supports themselves on hands or forearms. The giving partner kneels behind. This is the classic from porn and the position with the deepest penetration. Pace and depth lie entirely with the giving partner. The receiving partner cannot see what comes next. Standing bent over works on the same principle but needs matching heights or a step. Both are for people who know their limits and have agreed on a stop signal.

Pace controlled by: the giving partner. Depth limited by: only the agreement.

A word on switching positions. Every switch is a small fresh start, because the angle changes and often the depth too. Anyone switching from riding on top to doggy style starts slowly again there. And anyone who notices that a position does not fit goes one step back up the list. That is what the order is for.

All positions at a glance

The table shows at a glance who controls what.

Safety: condoms and lube

A condom is mandatory. No exceptions.

Among sexual practices, anal sex carries the highest HIV risk. The anal lining is thin and easily injured. You do not always feel small injuries. That is why the condom stays mandatory even when everything feels fine. Used correctly, it protects reliably against HIV, according to the Swiss AIDS Federation.

The rules for the material are clear:

• a new condom for every contact
• a condom in the right size
• never two condoms on top of each other
• lube only water- or silicone-based

Two condoms do not protect better, friction can damage them. Condoms that are too large slip off more easily, ones that are too tight burst more easily. Oily lubes and Vaseline attack the latex, even without visible damage. If the condom breaks, there is the HIV emergency treatment PEP. It has to start within hours. What else belongs to the safer sex standards for escort meetings is covered in a separate article.

Anal sex with an experienced escort

Experience on one side takes a lot of pressure off.

An escort who offers anal sex knows her body. She knows which position gives her control and how much time she needs. She catches the typical pace mistakes of a first time before they hurt. You do not have to know everything. You have to stick to the agreements.

Anal sex is never automatically part of a meeting. Whether an escort offers it is shown on her profile. On Gingr you will find escorts who offer anal sex, where preparation and hygiene are covered too.

The agreement comes before the meeting. Clarify whether anal sex is included and agree on a stop signal with her. If she wants to start by riding on top, that is not mistrust. It is the position in which she holds the pace. A stop applies immediately and without discussion. Consent applies to the whole meeting, the start is not enough. The article on how to bring up wishes respectfully helps with the first sentence.

The principle depends on the role, not on gender. If a client books an escort for active anal sex or pegging, he is the receiving partner. Then the escort stays still, and he sets the pace. The table above applies just the same, only with the roles reversed.

Frequently asked questions

Which position is best for the first time?

Riding on top. There the receiving partner controls pace and depth. Anyone not comfortable with that chooses spooning. There the position limits the depth.

Does anal sex hurt?

It should not hurt. Pressure and a stretching sensation at the start are normal. Pain is a stop signal, pushing through makes it worse. Usually too little lube or too much pace is behind it. The basics in the pegging article show what preparation looks like. If pain or bleeding persists, have it checked by a doctor.

Why is doggy style difficult for beginners?

Because control lies on the wrong side. The giving partner decides pace and depth. The receiving partner cannot see what is coming. The first time needs the opposite. Porn shows doggy style as the standard. For beginners, it is the most difficult position on this list.

When are you experienced at anal sex?

When entry works without pain and the stop signal works. It has nothing to do with the number of times. Anyone who stays relaxed riding on top and spooning can try missionary and lying face down. Doggy style comes last.

What matters for hygiene?

Using the toilet and showering beforehand is usually enough. The switch matters more. From anal to vaginal or oral only with a new condom. Otherwise gut bacteria get to where they cause infections.

In short

• The best position is the one in which the receiving partner controls the pace.
• For the first time, riding on top or spooning work best.
• Doggy style and lying face down come later.
• Condoms and lube are always part of it.

Try it without pressure: with an escort who agrees on pace and position with you beforehand.